Well, I have been slogging through a few days of mildly moderate depression, trying all the little tricks to keep it at bay. It was slow at the ski slope today, so I came home early and spent most of the afternoon on the sofa knitting and listening to an e-book. I decided I needed to get outside and get some exercise and fresh air. Had to talk myself into it, as inertia is a hard force to overcome.
Well, the walk itself was nice, the sun was setting, the temperature dropping, I was carefully avoiding ice patches in the road and generally trying to soak in the winter woods vibe. I made it all the way up the hollow on the one lane dirt road and then back down to the bridge, when, (as you have probably guessed by now) I slipped and fell on the ice, breaking my left wrist.
The forest echoed with my anguished curses as I lay in the snow curled in the fetal position, in an unbelieving state of mental shock, . How could I have done this to myself!!!!???? I don’t know how long I stayed there in my self inflicted tortuous misery. At some point I realized that I was cold, that I did have a real threat of medical shock and hypothermia, and that my husband probably wouldn’t come looking for for at least another hour or so, after it got completely dark. I couldn’t afford to give in to self pity, so I carefully dragged myself to an upright standing position and gingerly navigated the last half mile back home, cradling my broken wrist against my stomach with my other arm. I felt like a wounded feral animal trying to claw my way to a safe place.
We spent the evening in the ER. This wrist fracture is the most intense prolonged pain I have ever encountered. This is my first broken bone, and if I could go another 47 (or even more) years without breaking another one, that would be fine with me. I would like this to be my last broken bone!
Is there a magic moment in this? Maybe…
I’m thankful I didn’t hit my head when I fell, or injure myself worse than I did or to a point where I was unable to evacuate myself. I’m grateful that my husband is an amazingly strong man who loves me unconditionally, who has taken on the emotional and psychological strain of taking care of me through my neuroses, anxieties, depression, cancer, and now broken bones. WTF! Big sigh.
So love shines through. It may be messy, bumpy, turbulent, murky, blurred, and confused, but Love shines through. Love of Life, keeps us going through the darkest depths, Love of Self gives us the strength to persevere through the painful, scary, and tough situations, Love of Others bestows light and hope upon all who love and are loved.